


silent declarations of love

by buckybcrnes



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Vigilantism, basically jason todd oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2019-09-30 10:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17221874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckybcrnes/pseuds/buckybcrnes
Summary: a collection of short stories about love and a red masked vigilante who believes in anything but.





	1. i. some unspoken thing

**Author's Note:**

> i've always had several stories and AUs for jason in mind, so i decided to combine them together into a series of oneshots. hope you enjoyed this first one - happy holidays and happy new year!

At first, you barely noticed it.

Each time Jason held hands with you, he would find himself tracing silent messages with his thumb between your clasped palms. 

It was a silly, child-like habit, and they started out small -- _hi, thank you, you look pretty_ \-- all things he was perfectly capable of voicing out loud. But they quickly transformed into something more intimate, and each time his heart pounds a little harder or his breath hitches a bit faster, he finds his fingers searching for your own to press nervous touches into your hands: _don’t leave, i don’t want to let go, i missed you._

It would tickle, and you would chuckle and tease under your breath that he was just as nervous to hold your hand as he was on your first date. He doubts you can understand him. He would often stop tracing mid-sentence out of embarrassment or shame, thinking you probably saw him as touch-deprived or having a peculiar obsession with hand-holding. But each time he would pull away, cheeks flushed, you’d reach out for him again and give a reassuring squeeze, a subtle smile on your lips. He feels irrevocably stupid after each time he does so, but it’s comforting, and you never tell him to stop. 

When you both head to the Wayne Manor for the New Years Eve party that Alfred insisted on the two of you attending, Jason finds himself sweating at the thought of seeing his family again. There are those who he does not mind talking to -- Dick, Duke, Cass, and Babs -- in fact, he finds himself smiling most of the time around them. But he thinks of Bruce, and his scrutinizing gaze and grunts of disapproval, and his hand automatically clenches by his side. 

He walks stiffly down the pathway leading to the portico of the mansion, and he wants to chuckle at the way your eyes ogle at the intricate shrubbery on the estate’s massive front lawn, but his lips are pulled to a firm line as he rehearses in his head how he would enter the house and face prying eyes of judgement. 

Suddenly, your fingers reach over to intertwine with his, soothing over his balled fist.

“Hey,” You whisper. “I’m right here. Don’t be nervous -- I’m sure your family missed you.”

“I’m not nervous,” He huffs, still holding onto your hand.

“Uh-huh,” You say disbelievingly with a smirk tugged on your lips.

The two of you reach the entrance and when your ring the doorbell, he quietly traces into your palm: _i’m afraid._

Alfred opens the door and welcomes the both of you with a twinkle of his eye, and Jason suddenly feels relief wash over him. The elderly butler informs that the barbeque is out in the backyard, and Jason can feel himself drool from the aroma of hot dogs and cheeseburgers wafting into the living room.

Dick claps him on the back and he and Jason chat while you help Barbara and Stephanie set the tables. Cass and Tim greet the two of you with a friendly wave, and Damian sniffs pointedly at you with an upturned nose, spatting, “I admire your unwavering tolerance with Jason,” before your boyfriend jabbed an accusatory pair of tongs at him and threatened to skewer the little gremlin. 

You had met Bruce briefly before and seen the way Jason visibly stiffens whenever his adoptive father appears, so when the billionaire approaches from the patio, you wordlessly move towards Jason’s side. 

Jason’s eyebrows are knit, chin raised in defiance as you clasp his hand in yours. 

“Jason,” Bruce addresses him with an unreadable expression. “I’m pleased you could make it. Along with your partner.”

Jason hesitates for a moment before gruffly replying, “Glad to be here.” 

They share a nod, in tension and in acknowledgement, before Bruce slinks away as silent as a shadow. And it will always be that way, he thinks. Jason would always be something Bruce would try to hide in the dark. A snuffed out memory that haunted him from the past. 

(But when he feels your hand in his, he doesn’t quite mind. Because with you, he feels like he can be someone’s future.)

The rest of the afternoon goes by pleasantly, and Jason finds himself smiling at seeing you get along so well with his family. The boys undergo a competition on who can eat the most burgers in ten minutes. (Titus wins with six burgers. Jason is a close second with four and a half. Tim throws up after his second one.) 

The Wayne estate buzzes with excitement as the hours fly by and the new year grows closer. And in between sips of lemonade while the sun begins to dip over the mansion and paint the sky in a peach glow, Jason reaches over the table to hold your hand again, watching your eyes close as you bathed in the sunset and he softly traced into your hand: _i’m happy you’re here with me._

When it’s ten minutes until midnight, everyone passes around New Year’s Eve hats and party horns, and Dick spends a full minute boasting about how he looks like “hot stuff” in a ridiculous pair of 2019 sunglasses on. Bruce begrudgingly allows Damian and his friend Jon to set off some fireworks early, and they explode into loud bursts of color into the night sky. (“Wait -- are those fireworks legal?” Stephanie points out. Bruce merely shrugs before sipping his cup of black coffee.)

And then the countdown begins, and everyone beings to chant, “Ten!...Nine!...Eight!…Seven!...Six!”

Jason looks down at you.

“Five!”

You gaze back up at him, and Jason gets drunk on your shining eyes and brilliant smile. 

“Four!”

The fireworks burst louder into the sky. Everything turns into white noise around him. 

“Three!”

You silently reach over to hold Jason’s hand and squeeze it delicately.

“Two!”

He squeezes you back. 

“One! Happy New Year!”

The backyard erupts into cheers. Jason can’t stop staring down at you, completely disregarding the whoops and cheers from his family members embracing each other in his peripheral view. You feel his arms reach around your waist as you lean up and kiss him under the stars. He holds you as if you were the world, kissing you slowly and softly and feeling his heartbeat thrum in his ears.

And between your lips softly teasing his and the explosion of fireworks -- so subtle that he almost doesn’t recognize it -- he feels your fingers press a secret message into his palms:

_i love you._


	2. ii. full moon

As soon as you heard him howl, you knew you should’ve checked the calendar.

You kicked your quilt aside, quietly making your way outside to your front porch. The old wooden floorboards creaked beneath your bare feet as you paused at your doorsteps and squinted beneath your porch lamp. Just as you predicted - big and bright and beautiful as she was - the moon was full in the sky. 

He howled again.

You silently shook your head, stifling a sigh before walking back into your house to grab a blanket and your father’s old clothes up in the attic.

When you returned outside, the night had become quiet again. Heaving the clothes tighter to your chest, you navigated through the tall grass, your path being lit by the occasional friendly firefly. You followed the sound of ragged breathing, and you found him sound asleep in the middle of the field. 

Jason was curled up in the grass, huddling further into fetal position as he hugged his naked body and shivered from the cold. His claws slowly retracted and hair shrunk, leaving his skin bare and scuffed with dirt. Fresh wounds and angry red lines ran over his arms, and you wondered how hard he struggled trying to hold himself back before the full moon peeked through the clouds. 

You draped the quilt over his naked body, flushing as you nudged his side with your foot.

“Jason,” You called in futile effort to wake him up. He mumbled something incoherent in return.

“Jason, wake up.” You said louder, reaching your hand out to poke him awake.

His eyes burst open and his arm shot out to catch your wrist in midair. His teeth were bared and feral as the hairs of his arms stood on end, clenching your wrist even tighter until his icy blue eyes narrowed in on you.

“Hey,” You whispered, and his fingers loosened their grip. “It’s me.” 

Jason hesitated, his breath heavy as he tried to recognize the kindred spirit reaching over to softly run their fingers down his jaw -- and it’s like suddenly -- you knocked all the wind out of him. Your hair swayed in the wind, fireflies glowing over head like a halo and bare skin peeking from where your nightshirt rose slightly above your hip. 

Your cheeks were starting to heat up at the intense gaze he fixed on you. 

“Shit,” Jason groaned, voice rumbling deep in his chest as he wrapped the blanket around his hips. “I did it again, huh?”

A smile quirked on your lips. “It’s alright. I know you can’t help it.”

His arm extended out to you, and you instinctively took it, warm hand enveloping over his as you pulled him up to his feet. You tossed him the clothes as the two of you navigated the way back to your house. 

Exhausted, you flopped onto your living room couch, feeling your body grow heavy with sleep. With half lidded eyes, you watched your werewolf guest rummage your fridge from the kitchen and sniff each item before stuffing it in his mouth. His shirt was tossed somewhere on the floor, and his pants hung low on his hips as the kitchen light bathed over the honey colored skin of his bare back. 

You hadn't realized you had fallen asleep until you were slightly awoken by arms wrapping around your waist. Jason’s face settled into your neck as he tucked himself closer to you on the couch cushions, smelling like the earth and fresh air. A sleepy smile made its way onto your lips as you drifted off to sleep, fingers delicately tracing over the scars on his arms and reaching out to pull the quilt over your intertwined bodies. 

The sun would be rising in a few hours, but until then, you were glad you had what little time left to be held by him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea where this werewolf!jason au came from .


	3. iii. lie to me.

“Oh god, Jason, you’re bleeding _everywhere_ \--”

“You’re cute when you’re nervous,” Jason chuckled on the stretcher. “Your eyebrows get all scrunched together.” His blood stained teeth peeked from his busted lips, and you wondered how he even has the nerve to poke fun when there are bullets in his shoulder, a knife to his ribs, and a concussion to his head. 

You can hear Leslie frantically scrambling around her office to grab her medical supplies, a rigid frown spread thin on her gaunt face. The purple bruise on Jason’s left cheek was blooming a deep red velvet, and his nose was crooked from being hit in the face one too many times. He groaned as the blood seeped through the leather of his jacket, and when you reached over to delicately brush his hair away from his scuffed forehead, he winced between grit teeth.

“I told you not to be too reckless, stupid,” As much as you wanted to sock him in the chest or scold his misdemeanors, your voice came out soft. 

“No can do,” Jason managed weakly. “Reckless is my middle name.”

You sighed, shaking your head ruefully as you lightly used your thumb to wipe the blood from the corner of his cracked lips. As carefully as possible, you helped ease the leather jacket from his shoulders, chest tightening as you watched him bite down on his tongue from hissing in pain. With a scalpel nearby, you tore open his shirt, eyes stinging as you bit back a gasp at the sight of bullet wounds and fresh scars landscaped over his chest. 

“Maybe in a perfect world, you’d be more careful,” You whispered. 

“Yeah, and maybe in that perfect world I’ll come out of here alive,”

“Stop that,” You insisted. “You’re going to be fine.”

You could hear Leslie on the phone, calling Alfred for more medical support with an indignant tone in her voice -- no doubt Jason has been here for far more occasions than she’s comfortable with -- but you could start to hear the restrained panic in her voice. Jason shifted beside you, struggling to sit up but only stifled a pained scream in his throat, falling back down on his stretcher. 

“Get him to stay down!” Leslie hollered as she hurried over with her medical kits. 

“Lie down, Jason,” You whispered, fitting your fingers between his own. “You’ll be alright.”

“Liar,” Jason chuckled bitterly. His swollen eyes narrowed at the lights flickering in the ceiling of the pediatric office. “I’m not going to be fucking alright. I can’t even feel my legs. This is how I’m going to die, huh?”

“You’re so dramatic,” Your lips quivered as you squeezed his hand harder.

Leslie adjusted the headlight strapped on her forehead, inhaling sharply through her nose as she proceeded to pull out a needle, flicking the syringe before inserting it briefly through Jason’s wrist. 

“Propofol,” She answered when she noticed you glancing. “Temporary pain killer while I get the anesthesia ready. Alfred should be here in five minutes. Now help me drag this machine over.” She waved you over to a closet by the corner, pushing out an anaesthetic machine while scrutinizing its pressure gauges. 

“But he’s going to be okay,” You assert more than you ask, almost as if you were trying to convince yourself that Jason’s condition was seamlessly reparable. 

Leslie’s face darkened. 

“Jason has been to this clinic far too many times than he can endure, even for a tough boy like him. I always fear if each visit will be his last,” She hesitated, pushing her glasses further up her nose. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, dear, but a bullet has hit the center of his left chest with no exit. If it has hit or damaged a vital coronary, I’m afraid this conversation would be meaningless and we better get a move on before he loses any more precious time.”

Before you rushed beside him, Leslie rested a steady hand on your shoulder. “Talk to him. Let him hold onto something before he sleeps.” 

_His eyes were never this blue,_ you thought as returned to his side and held his hand. He didn’t look away. 

Jason’s chest was rising and falling weakly by the time you asked, “Tell me more about your perfect world, Jason.”

You could see him falter a bit, eyebrows slightly scrunching at your request, before his body eased and his lips curled into a weak smile. “Well, maybe in that world I wouldn’t be as stupid as I am in this one. And I won’t scare you half to death whenever I call you for help because of the bullets in my chest. But that shit’s all fantasy. We live in fucking Gotham City. Our lives don’t belong to us.”

“Lie to me then,” You suggested quietly. “If our lives did belong to us -- what would they look like, Jason?”

You watched his eyes soften. 

“We’d be far away from here,” He spoke slowly, as if each word pained him. “Away from the muck and grime of this city. We’d live by the seaside, because I know how much you like sunsets by the beach. Somewhere quiet, but not too far from the city. We could get a dog. Or a cat. But I prefer dogs…”

You listened to him, breath held, feeling tears pool around your eyes as you hung onto every word. His eyes were looking wistful now, dark eyelashes fluttering as he struggled to hold on. You reached out to feel his slowing heartbeat against the blood and wounds on his chest. Leslie bowed her head, readily gripping onto the anesthetic tube. 

“You know how I don’t believe in marriage and all that crap, because with you, what we have is more than matching rings or an official court document. We’d be together. We’d be happy. And maybe if we’re lucky...We could have kids. Like you’ve always dreamed of. And I know I’m the biggest fuck-up in your life. I put a stain on everyone’s fucking life. But if we ever have our own, I’ll never be my deadbeat father or my mother. I’ll be better…because they’ll be worth it. You’re worth it,”

You hadn’t even realized you had been crying. You silently choked back the overwhelming feeling of fondness and the twist of heartache at his modest dream. Even with his bruised eyes and broken face, you thought he’d never looked more determined. 

Leslie placed the plastic gas mask over Jason’s mouth. His eyes refused to leave you.

You ran your hands over his dark hair, a tear falling onto his forehead as you kissed it, murmuring with a smile, “I told you to lie to me, Jason,” before his eyelids fluttered and he went under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was feeling a little cheesy. this was inspired by lie to me by 5sos, although the context of the song doesn't really align with the material of the story lol. 
> 
> but yeah i briefly snuck in a headcanon i had about jason, which is that he doesn't necessarily believe in marriage. i feel like with his hardened exterior and background from a broken family, he doesn't believe love needs to be "proven" with a legal document or rings - but it can be transcended beyond material items. idk that's just my take on it!!


	4. iv. night changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey guys sorry for not updating this in months but i'm back ! [crowd boos]
> 
> anyways here's a bodyguard!jason todd au for you

It was nightfall by the time you finished typing up your last report. All of your coworkers had left hours ago, chiding on their way out for you to stop overworking yourself before throwing a sympathetic smile and bidding you good night for the day. The desks around you lay barren in the dark of the Wayne Enterprises office with the only source of light being cast from the single lamp on your desk. You leaned back in your chair and stretched, releasing a satisfied sigh and closing your laptop and slipping on the neglected heels that lay scattered beneath your desk. You threw one last look outside the glass windows of the office building, peering at the waning crescent moon, before buttoning your coat and calling it a night. 

You watched the button for the first floor light up beneath the tip of your finger in the elevator, waiting in silence until the doors opened for you to head over to the security desk. The security guard that waited beyond the lobby, Mr. Alfred Pennyworth, was a prim and proper elderly man with a thick British accent that always offered to walk you back to your car. He was pleasant in a doting way, as he always refused to let a lady like yourself wander alone at night, especially when the sky became dark so early this winter. 

The rote click-clacking of your heels against polished tile echoed as you approached the desk. 

“Good evening Mr. Pennyworth, I’m ready to leave -- ” But you immediately choked on your words when you saw, not Mr. Pennyworth, but someone younger. Much younger, in fact. He looked around your age.  

The man behind the desk was twirling the trigger guard of his pistol around his thumb, and you paled at how he seemed to completely disregard how dangerous doing so was, until he noticed you standing awkwardly in front of him. He threw you an easy smile.

“You’re not Mr. Pennyworth,” You said pointedly, and he replied with a nonchalant shrug.  

“Nope, sorry to disappoint you,” The young man said, setting his gun down. “Were you looking for him?”

“He’s usually here at this time,” You muttered, quickly scanning around the empty lobby. 

The dark-haired stranger gazed intensely at you, and you stiffened at his striking blue eyes. He swallowed hard, whispering under his breath, “You haven’t heard…”

“Heard what?”

“Pennyworth died,” The young man said. 

You froze, arms immediately dropping to your sides. All the air was knocked out of you, and you felt your heart sink to your stomach. You could still hear Mr. Pennyworth’s refined cadence rewinding like a tape in your mind; of his polite greetings and his offers to walk young and skittish women back to their cars at night. He couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t. 

The young man suddenly burst out laughing. “Holy shit! You should see the look on your face!” 

You blanched, clearly affronted, “Excuse me? What’s your problem!”

“I was only joking, sweetheart,” He managed in between chuckles. “He’s perfectly fine. Pennyworth got promoted as Mr. Wayne’s personal assistant so I’m taking over his post as head of security.”

You narrowed your eyes at him for a brief moment before trailing your eyes down to where a silver name tag hung loose on his black uniform, engraved with the name _J. Todd_. He looked tall and well-built, with ruffled black hair and a flirtatious, impish grin tugging on his lips. You rolled your eyes, turning swiftly on your heel to stomp away from him. 

“Hey, wait!” You could hear the new bodyguard hop off his swivel chair from behind the desk and run after you. “Do you need any help, miss?”

“No,” You said icily, refusing to make eye contact with him and feeling determined to just exit on your own. “And don’t fucking _'_ _sweetheart’_ me.”

“You’re that girl Pennyworth mentioned, right?” The bodyguard caught up to you, blocking your way to the door with his body. You tried not to redden at the sight of how broad he was, or the way he gazed at you so earnestly, or the way he smiled at your suspicion towards what he knew of you (which was kind of cute, but you were _not_ going to tell him that). “Pennyworth told me about you. You need help getting to your car?” 

You let out a scoff. “Are you insinuating that I’m incapable of walking to my own car?” 

The J. Todd standing in front of you seemed surprised before composing himself and throwing you another sly grin. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his slacks, gaze dropping to where you pursed your lips into a defiant line.  

“Not at all,” He said. “Just doing what Pennyworth told me to.”

“Well,” You rolled your eyes, trying your best to let him see how bothered you were. “I will have you know that as a woman, I am perfectly fit enough to get to my car alone. And definitely without the likes of you, Mr. Todd.”

“Wow. You go, girl,” 

You huffed, shoving past him and tugging your coat tighter to your body as you swiftly made your way out the revolving glass doors. You felt the cold draft hit you and almost immediately regretted your decision to make the trip alone. The Wayne Enterprises property was over a mile wide after all, and it would be at least a ten minute walk to where your car was parked in a remote area of the lot. There were sparse street lamps flickering in the night, but not enough to light your path, and you felt fear creeping up your throat as clouds started to encase the moon and shroud the night sky in even more opaque darkness. 

The sound of footsteps trailed behind you until it stopped by your side. J. Todd sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he met your eyes.  

“Look, I think I’d feel a lot better if I walked you to your car,” He offered, throwing his hands up in surrender. “Not that I don’t think you’re capable if you do it on your own. But I don’t wanna be left knowing that I let a pretty girl like you walking all the way back to her car alone and cold in the middle of the night on my conscious. So will you let me take you there?”

You frowned at him, trying your best to resist his trademark smirk by attempting to burn his eyebrows off a single stare. Why of all days did Mr. Pennyworth have to leave his job and hand it off to this creep with the pretty blue eyes and knowing smile? You stared at his nametag, trying to discern what the J stood for. Jack? Justin? Jeremy? Jerk? 

“Jason,” He caught your eyes. “My name’s Jason Todd.”  

Fitting, you thought.  

“Okay, then, Mr. Todd,” You said, clutching your purse closer to you. “Try to keep up.”

You stormed ahead of him and tried not to act like you were listening to the pattern of his swift footsteps behind you. You ignored how cold it was outside, only staring straight ahead as you followed the usual path to your car in between clouds of frost escaping from the warm breath of your lips. Jason was following close behind, remaining quiet behind you in the even quieter night.  

“You can just call me Jason, by the way,” He finally spoke up as the two of you rounded a corner. 

“I’m just fine with calling you Mr. Todd,” You said stubbornly. 

He briskly paced ahead before turning around to walk backwards and talk to you, hands still in his pockets. “That sounds weird. We look about the same age. Anyways, I just thought I’d introduce myself, since it seems like this is going to be a regular thing between us. Or at least that’s what Pennyworth told me.”  

You felt your cheeks heat up, almost offended at the thought that he might have a sneaking suspicion as to why you needed a guide to your car every night. Suddenly, a slight bristling sound erupted from the bushes along the sidewalk, and you immediately flinched. 

Jason stopped. “You alright?”

“Just peachy,” You managed, trying hard to mask the paranoia in your tone. 

The young bodyguard looked unconvinced. “You sure? How about I hold your bag? I feel like I’m not doing enough.”

“You’ve done quiet enough, thank you,” You said. 

Jason shut up for a moment, turning back to face in the direction the two of you were walking. “You really don’t like me do you?”  

You scoffed. “You made quite a fine first impression today.”

“Sorry, just trying to start a conversation,”

“You know, Mr. Pennyworth was not nearly as talkative as you are,” You deadpanned.

Jason watched as your eyes frantically darted from one random patch of darkness to another. Your pace had visibly slowed, and each step you took was careful and calculated. He nearly chuckled at the tough front that you unconvincingly performed in front of him, yet when you believed he wasn’t looking, you were as restless and skittish as a mouse. A street light started to flicker, and you nearly froze in your tracks.  

“Relax, it’s probably just the wind,” He coaxed. “Are you afraid of the dark or something?” 

You gulped, refusing to meet his gaze. “It’s perfectly logical to be afraid of the dark. There could be serial killers out there…or coyotes. Or mountain lions.”

Jason stifled a laugh. “Oh yeah, tons of wild animals. Rabbits and deer. And squirrels.” 

“It’s not funny,” You countered exasperatedly. “This is Gotham for god sakes! What if the Riddler is right around the corner? Or -- or the Joker?”

You saw Jason’s shoulders tense at the mention of the latter, but he quickly composed himself to flash you a smile. “Well, that’s what I’m trained for. Beating up baddies. If the Riddler happens to pop out of a bush demanding, _‘_ _What gets wetter the more it dries?’_ , I’ll be there to protect you.” 

You felt your gaze soften at him for a brief moment before you broke your gaze to look down at your shoes. A companionable silence fell between the two of you again as you both strolled to your car, with you still in the lead and Jason following suit at your side. You took that time to quietly observe him from the corner of your eyes. He walked with assurance, you noted, like he had nothing to fear and everything feared him. There was an almost hidden streak of silver hair curled over his forehead, the same color as the light refracting from the moon still hidden in the clouds.  

“So...how did this job land on your lap? Did you know Pennyworth?” You cleared your throat into your first, awkwardly attempting to talk to him.

Jason didn’t seem to mind. The corner of his lips tugged up fondly. “Yep, I’ve known him for a long time. He’s been taking care of me and my family since I was a kid.”

“What about the CEO, Mr. Wayne?” You asked. “Do you know him? Is that how you got the job?”

He was quiet was a moment. “Yeah. Yeah, I know that guy.”

Jason seemed to be uncomfortable with broaching the topic of your boss, so you trained your eyes forward instead. Under the dim light of the moon and the streetlamp above you, you could spot the faint outline of your car parked in its isolated spot ahead. You exhaled in relief until you felt Jason wrap his arm around your shoulder and you nearly jumped out of your skin. Even in the dark, you could tell Jason looked handsome. He had a sharp jaw and killer cheekbones, but despite his rugged looks, there was a softness in his eyes as he looked down at you.

“It’s alright, just me again,” Jason whispered. “I told you I’d protect you, didn’t I? What’s the worst that could happen?”

You felt your lips slowly twitch into a grateful smile. But before you could take another step, almost as if perfectly rehearsed, all the lampposts flickered and died. 

You were so shocked that you jumped away from Jason’s sheltering embrace with a gasp. Your vision immediately was surrounded in black, and a strangled whimper left your lips. No matter where you whipped your head, there was nothing but darkness staring back at you. Panic started to rise up your throat, and you could feel your eyes start to sting and your chest start to rise and fall at an alarmingly unhealthy pace.  

“This is _way_ too ironic,” Jason mused from beside you.

“What’s happening?” You asked, trying hard to prevent your voice from being too shaky. 

“Power outage, probably,” You tried to incline your ear towards where his voice was. “Big office building, small generator. Shit like this happens.” 

“Oh my god,” You panicked. “Oh god, oh god, oh god.”  

You couldn’t believe your luck. First, your usual companion got replaced by a smooth-talking, cocky stranger. Second, he offers to walk you to your car because he probably deduced that it was due to your embarrassing phobia and pitied you as some kind of child afraid of the dark. Now, the lights just had to die with miraculous cue so you’re stuck in darkness that’s thicker than fog with the aforementioned stranger that challenges you in a conflict of whether you want to strangle or get butterflies from this guy.

“Relax, I’m right here,” His voice came from behind you. “Turn around. Feel in front of you. I’m still here.”

Tentatively, you listened to his voice, turned to where you believe Jason’s direction to be, and lifted your arms to reach out in front of you. Beneath your fingertips, you felt the fabric of his uniform, and the way his chest rose and fell with the pattern of his breath. In the dark, you subconsciously trailed your hands down, feeling the hilt of his belt. Suddenly, your fingertips ran over a bump of something long and hard, and you immediately jerked back in disgust, sputtering, “I swear to god if that was your -- ”

“Flashlight!” Jason exclaimed. “Jesus, how did I forget I even had it on me? Hold on a sec.” 

You heard Jason scuttle away and rustle with his pockets. When he moved away, his warmth followed, and you felt frightened again with the cold, empty patch of space left unfilled beside you. Unsure of where he was and in need of assurance, you stretched your arm out to find his sleeve. Maneuvering in the darkness, your fingers felt something smooth at the same time Jason turned on his flashlight. The light shined upward, revealing Jason’s widened eyes and your hand cradled over his cheek, right beneath where his lips were. You felt your cheeks redden and immediately pulled back, as if you’d touched a hot kettle. 

“Let there be light,” Jason let out a breathy laugh. The sound was surprisingly comforting to your ears. He playfully shone the light in your face so you narrowed your eyes before he turned it back on him and held the flashlight beneath his chin, letting the shadows run over his cheekbones. 

“Come on, it’s just a power outage,” Jason said, shining the flashlight ahead to light your path. “It should be back by the time we reach your car.”

However, your legs failed to obey and you only pulled your coat tighter to your body in a feeble attempt to shield yourself from the dark. Your fear materialized into the shadows that poisoned your vision: bloodshot eyes watching from behind bedroom windows, blood-stained hands reaching out to curl over your throat, blades sinking into flesh and cackles of wicked men with wicked intentions. They were breeding in the darkness, waiting to swallow and strangle you. 

“You okay?” Jason’s voice called ahead of you. The light refracted off his face, and you could see his brows furrowing in concern as he strode back to you. 

Jason sighed. With a subtle glance, he could already read how panicked you were without words: through the slight trembling of your shoulders, the frantic eyes, and the stiffness in your knees. Pennyworth had warned him under hushed whispers about how skittish you were, and Jason had merely brushed it off. Now, advancing toward you carefully with his flashlight, he knew that the thumb pressed over the OFF switch was going to be of greater help than his awkward one-liners.  

“Hey,” Jason said soothingly when he finally paused in front of you, and he could spot you relax a bit. “I’m going to turn this flashlight off.”

Wrong move. You stood paralyzed again, completely stunned with your jaw dropped low in protest and eyes wide open.  

“What?! No! Why would you -- ”

“It’s only going to be for a couple of seconds,”

“Stop!”

Jason shone the flashlight on his face again for the last time for reassurance. His lips were pulled to a determined line and he set his gaze on you before slowly turning off the flashlight. The two of you were swallowed in darkness. 

“Turn it back on,” You demanded. The fierce heartbeat aching in your chest amplified in the dark, and you were positive Jason could hear how jagged your breath was. 

“Please, Jason, I can’t -- ”

You felt warm hands hold onto each arm hanging by your side comfortingly. 

“I’m here,” His voice came out soft. “I’m right here with you.” 

“Okay,” You whispered under bated breath.

“Fear is fueled by avoidance,” He continued. “You have to face your fears in order to get rid of them.”

You shook your head in the dark. “Plenty of people go on about their lives with their phobias. People have lived with them until they die. It’s not that easy to just face them once and make them disappear. The dark…The dark can’t just _disappear_.”

“That’s the thing -- the dark will always be there,” Jason insisted. “And as long as its present, you will be afraid. You can’t keep escaping it. It will always be there haunt you unless you refuse to let that trauma consume you, trust me.”

“I don’t trust you,” You bit back.

“Then trust _yourself_ ,” You could almost hear Jason roll his eyes in the dark. “Now, breathe in -- that’s it. Breathe out, but take you time doing it. Then count backwards from 5 slowly. I’ll do it with you.”

You did as Jason said. With shared breaths, you both counted the numbers in unison. Five: You breath began to slow and stabilize. Four: Your knees no longer locked, and you wondered if your feet were facing Jason’s direction. Three: Your fingers were no longer trembling. Two: Jason’s hands were warm as they trailed down your arms and into your palms. One: He squeezed your hands softly in comfort. He smelled surprisingly nice. 

“So what is it about the dark that scares you?” He asked. 

Your head hung low. “I shouldn’t be afraid of it anymore. It’s embarrassing at my age.”

“Nah, plenty of people are afraid of the dark,” Jason said. “It’s pretty common." 

“In children,” You supplied. “I’m older now and to think that I’m still afraid to sleep in the dark in my own bedroom...It’s not like I’m afraid of ghosts or monsters like that. It’s just...that impending sense of doom. That paranoia that something menacing out there is going to strike at any second, y’know?”

Jason nodded, forgetting for a second that you couldn’t see him. “I get it. But being in the dark can also be a gift.”

“I can’t imagine why,” You muttered.

“Well, for one thing, no one can see you,” He said, almost wistfully. “You don’t have to worry about what others are thinking about you. What you look like, what you’re wearing...all of it is irrelevant. It’s private and quiet. There’s some tranquility to being alone with your thoughts with no one to judge you. And if you’re with someone else, you can learn so much by just their voice or by touch. It’s...intimate, almost.”

You listened intently to his words. His hands were still holding onto yours reassuringly, and you didn’t let go, even as you closed your eyes and allowed yourself to be carried into that world of freedom that Jason told of. Submerged in the darkness, you imagined yourself swimming to the surface instead of being dragged into the deep to drown. You pictured yourself floating in water, naked from prying eyes or harsh critics, completely alone with only the bare light of the moon guiding you. You set the demons loose. And, in the middle of all the darkness, came the light that seemed to fill you up with the same warmth that Jason did. 

“I’m sorry for being so bitchy to you,” You spoke up. “Even in the dark, I’m pretty terrible, huh?”

You could feel the slight rumble of Jason’s chest as he let out a laugh. “I’ve been with worse. There’s this rookie named Damian who’s been challenging me for this post -- now _he’s_ a real pain in the ass.”

Suddenly, the lamppost lights flickered back to life. You blinked at the sudden eruption of harsh light, only to immediately blush after realizing your proximity to Jason. He also took a second to recuperate, but after noticing how his lips were nearly bumping into your forehead and how his hands were still intertwined with yours, he retracted immediately. He fidgeted with his nametag distractedly before putting his flashlight back in his pocket. 

“Well, I guess that therapy session went quicker than expected,” Jason quipped. “The custodial staff must’ve fixed the lights. C’mon, I think I see your car.”

He turned and walked ahead first with you following quickly in tow. In the light, Jason’s form looked even more protective and safe to you. The silent moments between the two of you only a few minutes ago spurred like the static of a broken tape through your mind, and you could only look down at your pacing feet instead of his broad back. You pulled out your keys from your purse as the two of you neared your parked car in the middle of an empty lot.  

“Here we are, safe and sound,” Jason threw you a sideways smirk when you both finally paused at your vehicle. “Your carriage awaits.”

You felt yourself form a rare smile, perhaps the first of the long night. “You kept your word.”

“Yeah, and people tend to be surprised every time I do,” He shrugged.  

Jason insisted on helping you load your things into your car and opened the door to your driver’s seat. Before you stepped in, you turned back to face Jason.

“Jason, remember when you said the dark is a great place to be completely alone in?” You recalled, waiting for his nod. “I just want to say that...I didn’t feel alone. Not when I was with you. And I didn’t mind it.” 

Jason felt his breath catch in his throat.  

“I want to thank you,” You managed shamefully, feeling all too shy and hating yourself for it. “I was a pain in the ass to you tonight. So, thanks for dragging me back to my car. And I’m grateful that you pushed me to face my fear of the dark. I owe you one.”

“Well, since I have a feeling this is going to be a regular thing, I wouldn’t mind payment,” He said coyly. “And I heard the muffins in the break rooms of your office’s floor are to die for…”

You managed a polite laugh, “Deal.”

He shook his head cordially. “I’m only kidding. But listen -- serial killers, robbers, even ghosts; I’ll protect you from them. But I can’t protect you from the dark. Only _you_ can do that yourself.” 

You nodded. Jason watched a few stray hairs blow over your lips from the slight breeze of the night air, and under the moonlight, he felt his heartbeat quicken. He watched you step into your car and seat yourself behind the wheel before he moved aside. Reluctantly, he tore his eyes away from you and headed back into the building, calling it a night.  

“Jason, wait!” Your voice called. 

He turned around. The window to the driver’s seat was rolled down as you locked eyes with him from across the lot. 

“If -- If don’t you mind telling me…What are you afraid of?” 

Jason swallowed hard. You were watching him expectantly, and he tried hard to mask the tightness in his throat. _Dying too young. Dying alone. Being replaced. Being a failure. Knowing that you never got to say “I’m sorry” to those who don’t deserve your apology. A ticking time bomb. Burning alive. Losing the people you love the most._

“Crowbars,” He answered. “Go figure.” 

Your eyebrows knit for a second in an expression of confusion and surprise before melting into another reserved smile. 

“Okay, then. You protect me from serial killers, and I’ll protect you from crowbars,” You vowed. “I’ll defend you. I’ll be there.”

Jason left you with an unreadable expression. Then, his eyes softened as he watched this foolish girl drive off into the night, swearing that she would be his guardian angel despite her reluctance to even hold hands with him in the dark. 

“And I’ll be here,” He promised. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i was listening to one direction while writing this
> 
> i'm too lazy atm to revise so this chapter carries the same energy as me turning in an assignment a minute before the deadline without proofreading


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